Try to talk about things rather than yelling about them. It can be easy to get louder and louder when you are disagreeing with something. Be aware of how you are saying things and how loudly you are saying them. The situation might not escalate if you speak calmly and without a defensive tone. Your spouse will likely pick up on your lead and not yell either. You can control the situation before it gets out of hand.
Try to avoid name calling or inflammatory remarks. These kinds of things never calm an argument down. In fact, it will likely only make the situation worse very quickly. Try to think about something before you let it out. It may take some practice, but try counting silently before saying anything at all. Apologize as soon as you say something that was not necessary.
If you show some respect you might get some in return. Even if you and your spouse are in the process of splitting up, you can make your relationship a little more tolerable if you respect one another. You do not necessarily have to like each other, but you can respect one another to be civil to each other. It will be a freeing experience not to have to look at your ex and feel anger so quickly.
Try to let the smaller things go. Not everything is worth the argument. There are some things that will never change about you or your spouse. If you have been together for many years and your spouse still forgets to rinse a dish before putting it into the dishwasher, he or she will likely continue to do so. Is it worth the nagging and arguments that follow? Choose your battles wisely.
Eventually let the bigger things go as well. Sometimes arguments happen because one spouse cannot forget a huge wrongdoing done to him or her. He or she may bring it up in moments of doubt or unhappiness. The issue needs to be addressed and resolved so both people can move on. A person may not necessarily forget the wrongdoing, but he or she needs to let it go at some point in time for the relationship to stay healthy.
Remember to walk away when you feel extremely angry. If the argument has already entered into the heated phase, you can still get away to think. Try to calmly tell your spouse that you need a moment alone or that you have to go for a walk and that you will be back to talk about this calmly in a little bit. Never take your frustrations out through verbal or physical abuse toward your spouse, children, or pets.
Go to marriage counseling together if nothing seems to work. If you really want to save your marriage, then you need to ask for professional help when your own efforts are not paying off. Even if your spouse does not want to go with you, seeing a counselor can help you work through your own issues. You will come out of it a stronger and smarter person than before.